Advice Please. ‘I don’t have a clue’.
Bi-lateral. A posh sounding meeting which involves 2 people chatting at the same time.
Comprehensive Review. Same as ‘Review’ but likely to take 18 months by which time what seems important now will seem less important.
Co-ordination Unit. A new unit duplicating the work of an existing unit to inform them of what they already know.
Delivery. Doing everything in your power not to deliver.
Director. More impressive than ‘Head’.
For Information. ‘Don’t even think about commenting on this. I don’t want your advice, but if anything goes wrong I can prove you knew about it’.
Hope This Is Helpful. ‘I know this isn’t helpful. Don’t contact me about it again.’
In Due Course. ‘In a very long time’.
On Board. A delaying tactic requiring lots of emails, cc-ing and possibly even bi-laterals.
Please Deal. ‘Do all the work yourself’.
Quadlateral. Like a bi-lateral, but with 4 people.
Raft Of Measures. ‘None of these ideas are good, but if we put them together it looks like we are trying.’
Strategic Co-Ordination Unit. Unit to co-ordinate the co-ordination units.
Touch Base. ‘Say hello to someone and talk to them.’
Urgent. ‘A decision has already been taken.’
Working Group. 5 or more people sitting in a room failing to achieve anything.
You May Recall. ‘ You won’t recall.’
You Will Recall. ‘ You’d better recall.’
You Should Be Aware. ‘ Really bad news. Not my fault. Honest. ‘
A fruitful discussion. ‘We achieved nothing whatsoever’
‘The government views with great concern…’. ‘The government will do nothing about it, except pay lip service’
‘We will do everything in our power…’. ‘There’s nothing we can do about it…
You can find this article on http://blogs.news.sky.com/foreignmatters/Post:6d89b4ac-e524-4b10-abbb-33cd99f103b6